WacArnolds

The famous employer, WacArnolds, provider of jobs to those on wellfare, has announced today that it will be splitting its stock. For all of you who have invested in WacArnolds, Congrats! You now have double the stock that you once had! For those of you who hadn’t invested, Congradulations! You aren’t idiots! As you should already know this isa joke site. WacArnolds was in a sketch on the Chappelle Show. Seriously though, that is the not-so-serious news.

Virtucon Purchases Cable Company in LA

You heard it here and you heard it first. You sure as heck better not hear it wrong though! Virtucon has purchased its own Cable Company in Las Angeles. Dr. Evil is happy to make the deal, and Number 2 has been ever so delighted as well. So remember, if you want REAL fake news, then you have come to the right place. RPF Inc. All you buisness humour, without any truth whatsoever!

Let’s Get Lost!

Lost is back, and its on tonight! As everyone knows, Oceanic Airlines was one of the top scoring buisnesses of the year. For the longest time it was speculated that an engine malfunction brought the passengers of Oceanic Flight 186 to the island, however, Oceanic Ailines says it was fate. Oceanic Airlines will also be allowing passengers to get lost, for they will now deliberately crash half of the planes that they fly. Lets hope you hit the island!

-Mr. O

Globex Buys Out STARK Industries

It’s true! In a stock battle yesterday, the mighty Globex Corperation Bought out STARK Industries. Globex, as everyone knows, was founded by Hank Scorpio. Hank is concidered an evil genious by some people, and has been known to wear jeans with a sport coat. The Globex company has also been discovered working on nuclear, bio, and weather based weaponry. Let us say goodbye to STARK and congradulate Globex on their profit!

- Mr. O, also, sorry for calling you peoples retards, but you have to understand my situation. I am aware that this post is gonna get about 50 comments calling may gay, or retarded, which I am obviously going to delete. If you have something worth saying, say it. Otherwise: SHUT THE FRIG UP. I am also well aware that that remark is gonna come back to bite me, to which I am going to delete the comments.

New RPF Inc.

Ok, everyone listen up. We are on high POSER alert. After being denied the position of editor on my site, Sergey went crazy, and made the worlds dumbest website. This clubpenguin based website doesn’t even sell anything yet either. I suppose that he did not understand the concept of “The Onion” which as many of you may know is a news magazine, meant to be a joke. The website URL for the “new” [dumb] RPF Inc. is www.rpfinco.wordpress.com I hope you understand that even under construction, it is a lousy website. Alright, remember, if your name is Gaylord Q Zizzlemiester, www.rpfinco.wordpress.com is a website is for YOU!!!!

- Mr. O, most possibly the last sane person still within this retarded ordeal.

Horrible Meltdown at Umbrella Plant!!

In today’s news: The local Umbrella Chemical Plant has experianced a viral outbreak. It is advized by Umbrella CEOs to lock your doors, board up your windows, and wait for a slow painful death, or a nuclear warhead to smack down on the city. Depending on how well secure you are in your house, you will either be facing one, the other, or both! It is advised that all cops who meet girls should head for the abandoned police station for an exciting and hard to believe adventure to unfold! That is all for today.

News Today

Hardy Har Har. I am aware that Commando makes this same post, but I realized that this is somethign that I really should be doingn as well. So… what happened this… week…

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Today in the news: Something happened of great importance, unfortunately there were no newscastors on the scene, and as a result, we could not get the story. Seriously folks, we have some news, I just like to screw with you. Today RPF Inc. had virtually no views. We just recently launched several new bagel designs, that you can check out at the bagel page. Our top sales represenatives are also trying to strike deals with Momcorp, and Oceanic Airlines, in order to get some real estate and whatnot. ATTENTION: SALES REPS WANTED! Job includes: sitting around on your butt doing absolutely nothing, while I write in the posts that you actually are doing something. Hopefully we can make it to the Forbes top 25 fictional buisness list. Wer actually could use sales represenatives to advertise us. That doesn’t mean to spam the pointless clubpenguin based websites, it simply means that you have to spread the word. Make a youtube video – NOT WITH PENGUINS!!! – or make a post, or a website about us. Make us famous!

Other News Today: We recieved word that we have competition with a company that sells Mexican Food: Nachos Inc. We have various competitors I am sure, but none seem as prosperous as us. We may start buisness trade, or we may buy them out! Just like how Momcorp bought out Planet Express. For all of you employes, lacking much stock: CRAM A SQUIRREL IN IT!!!

That has been the news this today/week/month/year. Just kidding. Its JUST this year. Not the rest. Ha-ha.

Mr. Obvious

To forget… a post.

So anyways, I was all like “whatever,” and she was all like “Slut!” and I was all like, – Oh, I didn’t see you come in. How long have you been standing there anyways? HOW LONG?! Anyways, I am well aware that I’m just not posting enough. To make matters worse, I am just too lazy. This was a really fun project when I knew that people visited the site. However, because of the lack in posts, I dont get anymore views anymore… To make matters worse, it recently came to my attention that everybody is buying crap from the retarded weapons department. I cannot believe you people. I establish this website in order to express my creativity, and you turn around and act like immature babies anyways, buying little weapons for your little penguin armies. Your pathetic!!! For anyone who is still actually reading this, be aware, that I do not sell weapons. I do not. That idiot Commando does. It all melts into the same pot, but I use this site as a forum for my creative expression, not for some immature, penguin based, childrens game.

Your Boss, Mr. O

If anyone is still listening….

Hey people! I was thinking, I love the smooth jazz on my site, but if you dont just tell me and ill find something koolier. Alright-io. Must I remind people that they have to check the bagels/real estate/weapons/music page for things to actually post. Also, even though we gain profit from that retarded weapon department, I do not want to be affiliated with it!!!!

ZOMG! I’m SOOOOOOOOOO sorry guys!

I’m very sorry that I haven’t posted anything since, like, last year. Geez, I feel like such an arse!! It’s ok though. With second semester projects over with and a garunteed A in most classes, I think I’ll be posting more!

Also, I hope you are aware that I update that bagel and real estate page periodically. PLEASE PLEASE COMEBACK. I DONT GET VIEWS ANYMORE!!! :’(